Feelings of anger, betrayal and loss are very common when divorcing.  Resist the temptation to make a bad situation even worse, and consider pre-suit mediation instead of traditional adversarial divorce.

It goes without saying that most people experience severe trauma when contemplating divorce, and that feelings of anger, betrayal and loss can linger for a very long time depending on the circumstances.  In the late 60s, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross developed the now-familiar model describing the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  It is easy to see how these emotions can arise when people are divorcing and grieving the loss of a serious relationship.

Although it is very normal to feel anger to varying degrees before, during and after a divorce, the traditional adversarial divorce is fought in the court system and involves a series of courtroom battles over a prolonged period of time, making a difficult situation even more unbearable.  In fact, it is common for people contemplating divorce to hire the most aggressive attorney they can afford, and many have a strong desire to get revenge on the other party by dragging him or her through the mud during the divorce process.  Unfortunately, most will find their “day in court” less than satisfying, when they realize that the judge is not only uninterested in such things, since Florida is a no-fault divorce state, but in fact can hold such bad feelings against the complaining party, especially when children are involved in the mix.  Bottom line, a courtroom is simply not a healthy and proper venue for people to work through the stages of grief.  Instead, these issues should be addressed through counseling, support groups and the like, which will provide a much greater chance of transitioning to a new and different phase of life and recovering from one of the most traumatic events in a person’s life.

With pre-suit mediation, the parties can focus on the issues right from the start, before they have engaged in damaging courtroom battles, and before they have invested too much emotional and financial skin in the game and dug themselves into aggressive or defensive positions.  Judges are required to address the issues in a methodical and business-like manner, and you should strive to discuss your issues in this manner to achieve a healthy and affordable outcome.

If you are contemplating divorce, please contact Healthy Family Mediation Center to discuss your options and learn more about our services.

Click on our website at www.HealthyFamilyMediation.com for more information. Or call 239.529.3549 to discuss your options.

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