I recently heard someone say that we were born with two ears and one mouth for a reason, namely that we should listen twice as much as we speak. Listening to the other party, as opposed to merely hearing him or her, is a critical aspect of a successful divorce mediation, and it cannot be emphasized enough.
It goes without saying that most couples facing divorce are angry and hurting, and there is frequently a betrayal of some sort involved in the mixture, leading to extreme resentment. These circumstances cause many people to simply shut down the effective channels of communication, often focusing more on their reaction to what they expect the other person to say rather than what has actually been said. This can create a vicious circle, especially when the parties have been in conflict mode for an extended period of time leading up to the divorce, with one person believing he or she knows what the other is saying and blindly responding to an assumption of what it means, while simultaneously being frustrated that the other person is unable to see the point he or she is trying to make. Based on long-standing patterns, spouses will frequently interrupt one another because they are anticipating what might be said before the other person even finishes talking. In other words, the parties may be hearing each other, but are simply not listening.
As your mediator, I will listen to you both and work hard to cultivate a clearing for you and your spouse to communicate with each other and be receptive to the other’s thoughts, providing an opportunity for you to face a difficult and emotional situation in an open and honest manner. You owe this to yourselves, and are especially obligated to move forward in a healthful manner when children are impacted by the divorce.
Avoid the impulse to turn your anger into an expensive, emotionally draining and damaging battle fought publicly in the courts, and contact Healthy Family Mediation Center to learn how pre-suit mediation can help you transition through these difficult times in a positive manner.
Contact us today for a free consultation at (239)529-3549 or visit our website at www.healthyfamilymediation.com.